


Forget the Past

by too_obsessed



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Dark Side Virgil, M/M, Neutral Deceit, im making another fic for some reason, platonic anxiet but it's toxic and virgil knows this, probably angst, sooooooooo, tell me if i need to add more tags, this will mainly be focused on Virgil and Deceit's history
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-23
Updated: 2019-02-08
Packaged: 2019-05-27 03:36:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 7,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15015797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/too_obsessed/pseuds/too_obsessed
Summary: Deceit told him that it was for the best.Deceit told him it would work out soon.Deceit told him he was going to be helpful.So why didn't he want to help?





	1. Perfect for the Job

**Author's Note:**

> yo  
> if you haven't noticed im not part of the Deceit Defense Squad  
> deceit is a villain and i love it  
> sorry 
> 
> when there's italics (the sideways letters) that's Virgil's mind speaking to himself.
> 
> warnings:  
> anxiety, deceit
> 
>  
> 
> sorry this chapter is so short, it's the first one. forgive me

Virgil was in his room, tapping a pen on his leg anxiously. The other Dark Sides today kept giving him knowing glances. Some of them snickered whenever he passed by. What were they planning? The only one who wasn't acting strange today was Deceit. Was he planning something? Oh, no, what if they decided they didn't like him anymore? What if they told him that he couldn't be near them anymore? What if Deceit decided he wasn't worth it? What if-

"Oh, Anxiety, hello." Speak of the devil. Deceit's voice rang clearly throughout his room, and Virgil nearly jumped a mile. Deceit's greeting made it sound like it was a complete coincidence he was here in the first place. As if he didn't just barge into his room uninvited.

 

_Shut up, at least he acts like he likes you._

 

"Hey," Virgil said, glancing up at Deceit. 

 

_'Hey'? Really? That's all you could say?_

 

"What's..what's up?" 

 

_Idiot._

 

"I definitely didn't come here to talk," Deceit said, his black cape swooping as he was suddenly right in front of Virgil, standing over him. Virgil froze for a moment.

 

_What are you doing? Move over!_

 

Virgil seemed to realize what Deceit was doing, though, because he scooted over to allow him to sit down next to him. 

"Virgil, you know I don't want the best for us, right?"

Though Deceit's lying could be confusing at times, Virgil had far grown used to reversing almost everything Deceit said. 

"And you know that I don't think you're special and that you don't hold the power to help us greatly." Virgil nodded, glancing down at his legs and messing with the zipper of his unzipped jacket. "So that's why I don't want you to be in Thomas's videos. With the others." 

Virgil's head snapped up. "What?" He was met with a thin smile on Deceit's scaly face. 

"You can't help us greatly. You haven't been a key part of Thomas for a long time now, and the others haven't already had interactions with you. Once Thomas doesn't come aware of you, you couldn't hold even more power over him. You definitely couldn't gather information for us, either." 

"I..I don't know.." Virgil hesitated, biting his lip. "The others don't really..like me." He shrunk into his hoodie. 

"Oh, but Anxiety, think of everything you couldn't do!" Deceit wouldn't stop staring at Virgil. "You don't want to help us, do you?"

"Of course I want to help! I just.." He hesitated again.

 

_It's for the greater good._

 

After a moment, he nodded. "...Alright. I'll do it." 

Deceit gave a grin that wasn't genuine. "I totally didn't know you'd say yes." And with that, Deceit stood up, ducking out without a further word. 

 

_Why did you say yes? Idiot, the others hate you. Thomas probably does too. You're setting yourself up for failure._

 

Virgil laid down on his bed, turning over and staring at the wall. 

 

_You'll probably be useless and the others will hate you and the other Dark Sides won't let you come back, and Deceit will hate you, and-_

 

"Shut up!" Virgil shouted to himself, blinking after a moment, hoping no one had heard him. He sighed, putting on his headphones and closing his eyes to distract himself. 


	2. Battling Deceit (get it because its the title of the first video anxiety was in sorry)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anxiety joins one of Thomas' videos for the first time and argues with Deceit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so  
> this is like every other fanfiction about deceit  
> im sorry  
> italics in quotes thomas talking
> 
> warnings:  
> deceit, anxiety, shouting, pushing eachother (but it's not bad), dreams, roman, thomas, swearing

Virgil didn't want to admit he had spent almost the whole night feeling anxious, even though that wouldn't be surprising. When he finally got to sleep, he had a dream about when he first got a physical form inside Thomas' mind. He had been faced with a choice: he could join Morality, Creativity, and Logic, or he could join Deceit and the other dark sides. 

He would've joined Creativity, Morality, and Logic, and he wanted to, too. But Creativity had only gotten one look at him before giving him suspicious glances and the line that Virgil couldn't forget: "Oh, he's a dark for sure." 

So Virgil turned on his heel, joining the dark sides to be met with too many people (when really there were only three),  ruffling his hair with too much force, and patting him on the back too hard. He tried not to imagine Morality's disappointed face. 

When Virgil woke up the next morning, the first thought he had was,

_Deceit is using you._

 

It didn't take long for Virgil to realize that was probably true. But the more he thought about it, the more he thought that maybe he...deserved it. He was the youngest of the sides, after all. Deceit and Creativity were oldest, then came Logic, then came the two other dark sides, then Morality, then Anxiety. Plus, Virgil couldn't think of a time when he had  _really_ done anything big to help the dark sides. Maybe Deceit had finally decided to take it into his own hands, and Virgil was okay with that. 

He didn't have much time to think about this anymore, because Deceit appeared in his room, the exact same smile on his face from yesterday standing strong. 

"Hello, Anxiety. It's so nice to see you again."

Virgil was so worried about being in Thomas' video he wasn't even able to detect it when Deceit was lying. 

"I know you're going to do absolutely  _outstanding_ because I trust you. Just like you trust me, right?" 

He nodded. "Uh. Yeah. Is there anything...specific I should, um, do?" The nervous tone in his voice was much more obvious that he would have liked.

"Don't be intimidating," Virgil could tell that was a lie. "Don't be your..usual self, either. Show Thomas how important you are." 

Virgil nodded one more time, sinking out before Deceit could say another word. He waited in the common room, until the perfect time to appear. 

" _I am actually feeling quite...relaxed."_

"Hey." Virgil appeared right in front of Thomas, doing his best to try and appear calm. Cocky, even, a bit. 

" _WHAT THE HECK?!"_

Virgil smirked,  "Oh, I'm sorry, was I not wanted at this exact second?" Sarcastic. Good. Deceit would like that.

Thomas began ranting about how annoyed he was with Anxiety, and Virgil gave a few snarky remarks, and he thought everything was going fine until Princey showed up. 

Perfect.

" _Great. Well right now, I hope and dream to get rid of my Anxiety."_

What?

He tuned everything else out. He basically went in autopilot, responding to as many statements as he could.  What were they going to do to him? Could Princey really get rid of him? What would happen if that happened? What would happen if he wasn't there to keep Thomas safe? Thomas could-

"What? Where are we?" He looked around the unfamiliar place, shrinking in his jacket when a  ~~badass~~ intimidating woman standing in front of him. He recognized her immediately from when Thomas had watched her. 

Thomas and Lily both ignored him, having a bit of banter before turning to him. He sighed and rolled his eyes at some of the comments they made. "Look, it's my job, okay? A little blood pumping is good for the old circulatory system."

There was a bit more of commentary before Lily pulled the "It's montage time." phrase. 

Virgil didn't really want to make Lily feel anxious. She hadn't done anything wrong. Neither had Thomas, but still. Of course, some of the things that happened were actually frustrating, but other than that, he let Lily 'defeat' him. 

When they returned to the apartment Thomas lived in, Virgil knew he wasn't going to be able to just let Thomas win. Deceit would be mad, and people would notice. 

" _..Well, that was cool."_

"Whatever. That was Lily.  You don't have  _what it takes_."

" _Oh yeah?"_

"Mhm." He nodded, crossing his arms. 

Thomas took a deep breath. Virgil immediately felt light-headed, swaying a bit on his feet.

" _I have anxiety. There's nothing wrong with that. It's something I can control."_

"N-No," He started, only to be cut off by Thomas. 

" _You are thoughts I create, questions I ask, fears I have. Nothing more."_

That comment stung more than it should've. He made a frustrated noise, sinking out when Thomas gave a wave to him. 

He had wanted to lay down and to just breath for a few minutes, but that was ruled out when he saw Deceit already in his room, crossing his arms and glaring at him. 

"What was that supposed to be?" Deceit snapped. Uh oh. "Some sort of 'performance'? Well, let me tell you, it wasn't good."

Oh, jeez, he knew he was in trouble when Deceit was deliberately telling the truth. 

"Oh, I'm sorry, what did you want me to do? Give Thomas a panic attack in the middle of recording?" He snapped. And it felt..good. 

Deceit stepped closer. "You could've at least _tried_ harder when Lily was montaging!" 

Virgil stepped closer still, seething. " _I_ could I have tried harder? Well, if you're so smart, why don't you do it?" He poked Deceit hard in the chest, which Deceit responded to by pushing him roughly. 

"What a  _horrible_ idea."  He said, smirking. Back to lying. "That's a bad idea."

"I...wasn't trying to..help." He muttered, glancing up at Deceit.

"No, you were wrong. I  _definitely_ won't impersonate you when Thomas starts recording a new video."

"Wait, I-" Virgil started, but was cut off for a second time as Deceit gave a "So long, Anxiety!" and sunk out.

 

Shit. 


	3. New Years, New Lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deceit impersonates Virgil during the 'A New Year of Lying to Myself..In Song!!' video. 
> 
> Virgil has an interacting with Creativity, Morality, and Logic.

A full three months later, Thomas finally chose to make a new video. Virgil didn't bother getting up until later that morning, which was probably why Thomas had managed to call three of his friends that morning. When he went into the common room, he found Deceit pacing back and forth, almost as if he was worried about being in the video. In reality, he was probably just getting the concentration to shift into Virgil. It took a lot of hard work to stay shapeshifted for such a long time, but Virgil would've thought that Deceit had grown used to it by now.

Apparently not.

At around 11:00 that morning, Thomas hit record on his camera, and Virgil found Deceit had already shifted into him. He shifted his weight from foot to foot uncomfortably. Deceit waited, smirking a bit when all the others started arguing. He chose that time to appear. Virgil sat on the couch, biting his fingernails. Every side could watch what was happening in front of Thomas, but they weren't in the same room as him. So Virgil watched, his knees brought to his chest.

"Get over it. You're the least popular character, and you know it." Virgil tore away from his own thoughts, watching to see how the others would react. And they..laughed. They thought it was funny. Well, Logic didn't. Logic wasn't  _the_ least popular character. There were plenty of people that loved him. Then again, most people preferred Creativity or Morality. 

It was ironic Deceit was acting as Virgil, who was trying to stop the other sides from lying to themselves, since it was Deceit's fault they were lying to themselves in the first place. And it was annoying because Deceit had always been  _really_ good at acting as Virgil. The other sides, not so much, but Deceit seemed to always know exactly what Virgil was thinking. 

Virgil retreated to his room before he even knew how the video ended. 

It barely surprised Virgil when Deceit appeared in his room. He was doing that a lot lately. 

"I'm assuming you didn't watch my performance.  _That's_ how you shouldn't act in front of them. Intimidating." Deceit said condescendingly.

Anxiety nodded absentmindedly, scrolling through Tumblr on his phone.  

"Are you listening to me?" Deceit snapped, crossing his arms. 

"Yeah, yeah I'm listening to you." He continued scrolling until Deceit snatched his phone out of his hand. "Hey!" 

Deceit started twirling his phone around his hand, continuing his speech. "As I was saying, the others  _totally_ weren't afraid when I first showed up. That's what  _you_ don't need to do." 

"Alright,  _alright,_ can I have my phone back now?" Virgil said warily, glancing up at Deceit. 

"Don't remember what I told you." Deceit replied, tossing Virgil's phone at him. Virgil fumbled with it, eventually catching it in his hand. 

Deceit snuck out, leaving Virgil to sulk and begin scrolling through Tumblr again. 

 

Later that day, Virgil was going to the kitchen when he found himself sinking out. He definitely wasn't doing it, so he had no idea where he was going to go and he was  _scared._ He tried to stop, but he couldn't, and soon enough, he found himself in the common space that Creativity, Logic, and Morality used most often. And it wasn't empty, either. They were all there. Virgil assumed they had been talking when he appeared because they all stopped at once, their attention now turned to Virgil. 

Virgil shifted nervously, recoiling when Creativity drew himself to his full height, crossing his arms. "What are  _you_ doing here?" 

 "Kiddo, there's no need to be rude." Morality said, stepping behind Princey and offering Virgil a smile. 

"He wasn't being rude. He was asking a question." Logic said, standing to the other side of Princey. 

"I didn't come here on purpose," Virgil snapped. "Why would I?" He scoffed.

Logic and Princey didn't flinch, but Morality looked a bit hurt. Virgil tried not to focus on that. 

"What on Earth do you mean you 'didn't come here on purpose'?" Princey exploded, throwing his hands in the air. 

"That doesn't seem possible. I'm sure he came here on purpose." Logic said, speaking as if Virgil wasn't even in the room. 

Princey took a step closer to Virgil, and it took everything in him to not shrink back. "Since you 'didn't come here on purpose', why don't you just  _leave_?" 

"Kiddo..." Morality muttered, looking rather uncomfortable. 

"Fine, I will!" Virgil snapped, seething, but the look on his face soon disappeared as he looked more confused than anything. 

Princey groaned. "What is it  _now?_ "

Virgil frowned. "I can't...go."

"What do you mean you can't go?" Logic asked, adjusting his glasses. 

"It won't let me leave. I can't sink out."

Another groan came from Princey. "I know I'm  _amazing,_ and of  _course_ you would want to be around me, but-" He was cut off by Morality. 

"Maybe he can't leave because..we're talking about Thomas, and what he should do at his meet n greet. He's as important as any of us!" Morality smiled. Virgil looked away.

"...Fine. He can stay. I  _guess._ " Princey rolled his eyes. Logic and Princey sat down on the couch, and Morality and Virgil sat next to each other, across from the other two.


	4. Talking It Out (Not Really)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil talks with the others.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> iM SO DONE  
> I StartED THIS YESTERDAY  
> aND WAS ALMSOT DONE BUT I DELETED ALL MY WORk  
> also hey how r u sorry i took so long to get this out
> 
> warnings:  
> morality, logic, anxiety, creativity, arguing

"Anyway, as I was saying," Princey started, making a point to ignore Virgil, "Thomas' meet n greet will last two hours."

Virgil shuddered at that. Two hours of just..meeting random people? What if someone tried to hug Thomas when he wasn't ready, or what if someone started crying? What would he do? 

"So he'll do that. He's been invited to a panel straight after, so we can do that-" 

"What?" Virgil accidentally interrupted Princey. He hadn't meant to say that out loud. Oh, no, now everyone was staring at him. He swallowed. "Um. I meant that he can't..he can't just keep doing things one after the other. He'll shut down." 

"No, he won't!" Princey protested. 

"Yeah, he will!" Virgil snapped back. 

"Only because you're making him! Can't you just stop?"

"That's not how I work!"

Morality, apparently, had enough of this. "Hey," He started, standing up and standing between them. Both Virgil and Princey were on their feet. "There's no need to fight."

Now, if it were any normal day, Virgil would never even think of doing something like the thing he was about to do. He wasn't  _that_ bad. But at this moment, he was mad and it seemed like a good thing to do. Well, it seemed like something that the other Dark Sides would approve of. 

"Ugh, shut up, Morality!" Virgil said irritably. Morality barely had a second to look hurt before he was shoved out of the way by Virgil. Thankfully, he managed to not fall over. 

There was a moment of silence while all of them were processing what had just happened. That silence did not last, as Princey soon exploded. 

"How dare you?! Foul villain, rid yourself of our presence!" Princey pointed at him accusingly. Logic crossed his arms. Morality didn't say anything. 

"I-" He hesitated for a moment, then threw his hands up. "Fine!" He was glad to discover that he was finally able to sink out. 

**-0000-**

That night, he was  _still_ angry. "What a drama queen," He muttered to himself. "All I did was push him. It's not the big of a deal." 

Virgil was used to not sleeping, but normally he couldn't sleep because he was anxious, not because he was mad. He looked around his room. It had always been in the 'Dark Sides' place. Basically, the 'house' all the sides were in have two categories: the bad guys, and the good guys. The Dark Sides all had their own living room and own rooms, and the Lights all had theirs. They shared a kitchen and everything else. 

He decided to go downstairs and make some waffles out of anger. He was hungry, anyway. Assuming everyone else was asleep, he crept downstairs, cringing whenever the floorboards creaked. He was almost all the way downstairs when he saw a figure already in the kitchen. 

He froze, blinking. He hadn't expected anyone else to be up this late. Whoever was in there turned around, their eyes glued to a book with a cup of coffee in the other hand. They looked up to turn the kitchen light off, and it wasn't long before their gaze fell on Virgil. 

Logic narrowed his eyes. His hand was hovering over the light switch. 

"I. Um." Okay, so maybe Virgil shouldn't say anything. 

"Why did you push Pa- Morality earlier?" Great, they didn't even trust him enough to use their own names. 

"Why do you care?" 

"You seemed angry." 

"Of course I was angry!" Virgil huffed, crossing his arms. 

Virgil was so caught up with being irritated that he didn't notice that Logan was suddenly in front of him, gazing at him suspiciously. 

"What?" 

"Morality was upset after you left."

"That's not my problem." 

"He wants to see you tomorrow." 

"Yeah, well, I don't want to see him." Virgil turned, signaling that he wanted to leave and that he was going to leave. 

"He's going to come here if you don't come to him first, you know." 

"Then tell him not to."

"He wouldn't listen to me about this."

Virgil sighed, turning to face Logic again. " _Fine,_ okay, whatever. I'll 'hang out' with him or..whatever." 

Logic stared at him longer than Virgil thought necessary, before turning and walking away. 

The anxious trait returned to his room, settling in his bed  _without_ any waffles.


	5. Morals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morality invites Virgil to hang out with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woW   
> over 300 people have clicked on this  
> that  
> is  
> surprising  
> so ye thanks for clicking on this
> 
> warnings:   
> morality, anxiety, creativity, logic, deceit

Deceit hadn't spoken to Virgil in a while, and Virgil couldn't help feeling glad about that. Sometimes Virgil would go weeks without seeing Deceit once when other times he would see Deceit every few hours. Apparently, today, Deceit wanted to pay a visit to Virgil. 

Virgil was in his room, pacing back and forth. It was only 6:00 in the morning, so visiting Morality right now probably wouldn't be the best idea. Instead, he decided to worry about visiting Morality. That was when Deceit appeared in his room.

"Anxiety," Deceit purred, "It's been a while." 

Anxiety glanced at Deceit, rubbing the back of his neck. "Um, yeah. What...brings you here?"  _Stupid, stupid, stupid._

"I wasn't going to ask you to partake in another one of Thomas' videos." Deceit said silkily, taking a few steps so that he was standing next to Anxiety. 

"Me?" Anxiety pointed at himself. Deceit nodded.

"You don't know how to act in front of them, now." A seemingly genuine smile appeared on Deceit's face. 

So Anxiety simply gave a silent nodded. Deceit's smile widened. 

"I definitely didn't think that you would want to."  He sunk out, and Virgil was Virgil, not Anxiety. But he'd have to be Anxiety soon when he was going to visit Morality. He wasn't looking forward to it.      

Virgil anxiously glanced at his clock. Noon. He couldn't procrastinate visiting Morality any longer. He went into the Light's common room, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

Princey, Morality, and Logic were milling about in the kitchen. They stopped when they saw him. Logic's expression was unreadable, Princey looked mad, and Morality looked...surprised? 

"Anxiety!" Morality announced to break the silence, rushing over to him. 

Anxiety flinched, expecting Morality to push him or yell at him, but that didn't happen. Instead, Morality smiled at him. "Hi!" 

"Uh..hey." Anxiety glanced at Princey, who looked  _very_ suspicous. 

"What's  _he_ doing here?" Princey muttered to Logic, who just crossed his arms and gave Princey a 'what is wrong with you' look. 

"We should hang out in my room!" Morality said excitedly, barely giving Anxiety a chance to react before he was pulled into Morality's room. 

He glanced around. There were piles of old notebooks, scrapbooks, old clothes, old paintings, everything. Anxiety wanted to look at them. He knew he wouldn't like them, so why he wanted to look at them was what confused him. He was pulled out of his thoughts by a very aggressively excited Morality.

"So, since we got off to a bad start, I thought we could introduce ourselves!" Morality didn't waste any time holding out his hand for Anxiety to shake. "Hi, I'm Patton! It's so nice to meet you!" 

Anxiety hesitated, fairly overwhelmed. Did Mor-Patton just tell him his  _name?_ Really?

He noticed that Patton wanted him to shake his hand, so he did - in the fastest way possible. "I'm.." He hesitated. "Anxiety. It's nice to meet you too, I guess." 

Patton's smile barely faltered. 

**~**

Soon, Anxiety was having a great time. On the outside, it seemed like he wasn't, but on the inside, he was practically jumping with joy. He even laughed at some of Patton's dad jokes. Well, at least gave a hesitant chuckle. 

However, the mood was ruined when  _Princey,_ of all people, came bursting in Patton's room. The smile on Anxiety's face disappeared. Even Patton's faltered. 

"I think you've spent enough time with.." Princey trailed off, glancing at Anxiety. 

"But Roman-"

"Why would you tell him my name?!"

"-We're having a lot of fun!"

Roman looked uncomfortable. "He's a  _dark side,_ Patton. You can't just change him." 

"Roman! How could you say that?!"

"I'm just telling the truth!" 

Anxiety didn't like this. His vision was blurring, there was a ticking in the back of his head. He looked down at his hands, but he felt like he was a ghost, watching his own body. 

"A **nxi** ety? Are you  **ok** ay?" Was someone talking to him? Or were they talking to someone else?

" **I thi** nk he should  **lea** ve."

So he did. He didn't know what else to do. He ducked out, and suddenly he was in his room, with no Roman. And no Patton.


	6. Stupid, Stupid, Stupid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil gets mad at himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> schedule who?? never heard of her
> 
> warnings:  
> mentions of a mild panic attack, anxiety, self-deprecating thoughts
> 
> also the new SU episode wow amirite
> 
> the lines spoken in the video are not mine!!

Virgil wanted to kick the wall. Or himself, for that matter. 

A panic attack?? In the middle of Roman and Patton's argument??  _Stupid, Stupid, Stupid_

Of course Roman had to be there, too. Now he probably thinks that Virgil is just an annoying nuisance.

Nevermind, he already thinks that. 

The whole situation had happened an hour or so ago, and after Virgil had calmed down a bit, he started getting less anxious and more annoyed. 

He didn't even know who he was more mad at. Himself, or Roman?

Because that was supposed to be  _his_ time with Patton. Patton had invited  _him,_ not that stupid prince. And then Roman had to come and ruin _everything_ _._ Virgil had been having fun with Patton, but of course Roman couldn't let that happen, could he? No, he didn't want to lose his little friend to a  _Dark Side_.

On the other hand, Virgil was mad at himself for having a mild panic attack right in the middle of everything. He shouldn't have been panicking, he should've been telling Roman off for being a jerk. So Virgil vowed to himself that he wasn't going to have a panic attack in front of Roman  _or_ Patton. 

If he could help it. 

So that was why, on January 9 of 2017, Virgil decided to join in on a video that Thomas was planning to film. It would be simple, really. He'd wait for Logic, Roman, or Patton to show up, and then he would. He preferred being last. Or, at the very least, not first. It couldn't have been more perfect. 

" _-Even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious."_

_"Stop!"_

"Did someone say atrocious?" Anxiety smirked slightly, his arms crossed as he glanced at Thomas. 

"Are-you kidding me?" Roman asked, exasperated, as he gestured at Anxiety. "We have expelled you from the last  _two_ Sanders Sides videos! Do you know how rude it is to interrupt a vlog?" 

"Wh- um..okay." Thomas said, glancing at Roman as if he was a child. "Well, Anxiety, I gotta admit: I don't know why you ARE here." 

"Simple," Anxiety said slowly like he was talking to a kindergartener. "I, too, am a Disney fan." 

Without missing a beat, Roman burst out laughing. "Pff- hahahaha, YOU?! Hahahaa-" 

"What? Why is that so hard to believe?" 

Still giggling, Roman said, "Disney movies are the embodiment of goodness and purity something  _you_ would know nothing about." He broke off into another fit of laughter. 

"We must not be watching the same movies then, because the movies  _I_ know have much more sinister undertones."

Roman gave Anxiety a confused face as Anxiety tried to get Thomas to agree with him, which resulted in Thomas suggesting that he throw out a Disney movie and that Roman and Anxiety tell him what you're supposed to get from it. Such as: 

"Okay, how bout.. Aladdin? My favorite!" Thomas gestured at them. 

"The value of a person is not determined by wealth," Roman started immediately. "A diamond in the rough can be found  _anywhere,_ even someone who may be considered a street rat." Roman finished, nodding his head as if to get Thomas and Anxiety to agree with him. 

This time, Anxiety looked right into the camera. "And they can get what they want by lying and deceiving their way right into the castle and gettin' the princess."

"Oh, come on! He came clean in the end, he even freed the genie!" Princey complained, throwing his hands up. 

"Yeah, he did. But not before  **lying** and  **deceiving** his way right into the castle and gettin' the princess." Anxiety raised his voice, speaking over Roman's 'Oh, for crying. Out. Loud...'

After a few more movies, Princey gave up. "But come on! Can you really look down so harshly on these movies?" He whined, in a very Patton-like manner. 

"I still...like them. There's just some darker messages that we don't first see." 

"Bambi."

"Man is dangerous."

"Pocahontas!" 

" **White** man is dangerous." 

"Sleeping Beauty!!" 

"Well, now we're just back at the lack of consent with sleeping women." 

"It was to lift the curse!" 

At the end of it, Anxiety said, "Duh. That's what I've been saying. I never said Princey was wrong." Despite how much he dearly...disliked...Roman at this point in time, he disliked being accused of something he didn't do even more. 

"You...didn't?" 

"..No." Anxiety responded, slightly hurt.

"Well, then, I suppose I shall concede a few points to you." 

"Great." Anxiety grinned, satisfied. 

"Excellent." Roman replied in a dull voice.

"Cool."

"Still don't like you." 

"What was that?" Anxiety stopped, rising up for a moment. 

"Er, chim-chim cherro!" 

"Oh. Mary Poppins, okay." Anxiety sunk out completely, back into his room. Maybe joining in these videos wasn't so bad after all. 

 

 


	7. Outbursts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil and Deceit interact again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, sorry i took so long. i just haven't really wanted to write.
> 
> warnings:  
> deceit, manipulative behavior, arguing

Virgil was gripping his phone so hard he thought it might break. His knuckles were white and he was gritting his teeth. Though he looked angry, he was staring at the floor, shaking slightly out of anger and anxiety. 

"It would be  _ fantastic  _ if you would continue 'bonding' with the others," Deceit had been saying, "They're bad for you. They're just trying to manipulate you." 

"Deceit-" Virgil, started but was soon cut off. 

"Based on how Creativity and Logic are acting, I highly doubt they'll invite you into their little family any time soon." 

"I know, but-" 

"And Morality was just being nice; that's his job. If it was his choice, he wouldn't want to be anywhere near you." 

"I just thought-" 

"You just  _ thought _ ? That's the problem with you, Anxiety, you're always assuming that everyone is so nice-" 

"That's not true-" 

"-And that they'll always want to be around you. That they'll want you to 'befriend them' or whatever else your mind can come up with."

"Deceit."

"So if you'd keep hanging around them, that'd be  _ perfect _ . You saw how irritated Creativity looked when you 'won' that-"

"DECEIT! I don't  _care_! Shut up!" 

Virgil's little outburst caused a near-deafening silence.

Deceit chuckled slightly, sitting down next to Virgil. 

"Oh Anxiety, I just want the best for you. You don't want to let your guard down, do you?" He asked in a condescending manner.

"I guess-"

"Good, good," He interrupted him. "Just trust me on this, Anxiety, I know what's best for you." 

"I..."

"You trust me, don't you? After everything we've been through?" 

"Well.." 

"Come on, Anxiety, you can't really say you don't trust me. After everything I've done for you?" 

"Deceit." 

"It would be selfish of you not to."

"..."

"Doesn't that make sense? Everything I do is to help you, Anxiety." 

"...Yeah. I trust you." 

Deceit gave a tight smile, standing up almost immediately. "Good. I'll see you soon, Anxiety. I look forward to talking with you again." 

Virgil didn't trust Deceit, not really. But maybe he was right. The Dark Sides weren't  _entirely_ bad. They had had some fun times. Like on April's Fools day, when they'd prank each other!

Well, most of the pranks weren't as funny at the time. But what pranks were? 

His life really wasn't as bad as he thought. He really was being selfish. He needed to learn to suck it up. At least he didn't think he deserved everything he got, like Roman.

It wasn't that bad, right? 


	8. A Different Point of View

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A more Deceit centric chapter, so of course, trigger warning, Deceit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i've been taking so long to update lately, I just simply haven't wanted to write.   
> there's a little secret reference to 'Can LYING Be Good?!'... hope you'll find it.

He knew that his family wasn't nearly as close as Morality's. 

He knew that they never stood a chance of being as close as that family.

But he had thought that Anxiety would want to stay. He had kept him safe all these years, after all. It was important to build some walls, that way you won't risk being disappointed.

Apparently, Anxiety hadn't cared. 

Deceit knew that he had been running off secretly. He knew that Anxiety had joined the other family for lunch, or dinner, or sometimes even early in the morning when no one else was awake.

He knew all of this, but he didn't know how he felt. 

He wasn't exactly angry. Yes, it was frustrating. Anxiety already  _had_ a family, he didn't need a new one. But he wasn't very angry. He thought he was supposed to be angry, right? He really should confront Anxiety about this. If he showed anger, then Anxiety would stop going. It had worked for other things. But Deceit wasn't very good at..faking emotions. There was always something off when he did it, even he knew this. He always tried too hard, or too little. 

He wasn't exactly sad, either. He wasn't ecstatic, but he wasn't sad that Anxiety wanted to leave either. He couldn't blame him. He liked the family he was in, but for Anxiety.. he could see how he wouldn't. The family he existed in, with the other dark sides, was full of pranks, or passive-aggressive back and forths. He could see how that could be slightly distressing. 

After considering, Deceit decided that he was confused. He hadn't expected Anxiety to get as close with the others as he had. Of course, Anxiety hadn't fully moved with them. No, he'd always appear in time for Deceit to know he was there. Around 9:00 p.m. was always when he managed to get back and excuse himself to sleep, even though 9:00 p.m was extremely early. He was simply confused. He had given Anxiety a good life, right? Sure, they had their differences, but Deceit always thought that he was protecting Anxiety from rejection. And it had worked so far. Once Anxiety showed signs of wanting to be in more videos than just once, he let him, hoping that Creativity's hostile nature would drive him away.

It didn't work. 

So Deceit continued letting Anxiety in, hoping Thomas' disappointment whenever Anxiety showed himself would be good enough to get him to stop.

He continued doing this, hoping and hoping until one fateful day, when he realized it wasn't going to work. When they were filming the video now titled 'My Negative Thinking'. 

When he had heard of Creativity injured and Morality being stuck with helping him, he had more than willing to let Anxiety go to the video. Stone-cold Logic wasn't hesitant in insults or disappointment, maybe it would work. Maybe finally Anxiety would stop continuing to ask to go and join the videos. 

The video went in a different turn than he expected. 

It just caused Anxiety to leave more and more often. 

It got irritating. 

Deceit wanted Anxiety to give up already. He wanted him to realize that he belonged with the dark sides. He already had a family. Couldn't he just realize he needed to stay with this one? 

So Deceit decided to join Anxiety on one of his little outings. 

Secretly, of course. He wasn't going to waltz on in with Anxiety at his side. He'd come later.

He soon hatched a plan in his mind. It had its flaws, but it would work.

On Monday, April 8th of 2017, Deceit decided to 'join' Anxiety when he went to have lunch with the others. 

And it all unfolded as expected.

Anxiety left at approximately 12:45 A.M. So, a mere few hours at 3:18 P.M., Deceit left to collect him from his little playdate. 

He appeared in the common room, grinning when he found Morality, Logic, Creativity, and, of course, Anxiety all gathered around a table. 

Luckily, no one noticed him. Yet. Anxiety was rolling his eyes at something Creativity said. "Whatever, Gaston," He had said. Creativity gasped. "You take that back!"

Deceit snickered, approaching the table. Logic seemingly heard his footsteps, turning his head to face him. His eyes widened. Deceit huffed, snapping his fingers silently so Logic's own hand covered his mouth.

Apparently, Creativity and Morality didn't notice. Anxiety, however, did. He glanced up at Deceit from his chair, expression unreadable. 

Deceit stopped behind Anxiety, a sickly-sweet smile plastered on his face as Creativity and Morality finally noticed him.  

"Hello." He said dully. "I've definitely  _not_ come to collect Anxiety. This little playdate of yours  _hasn't_ gone on far too long."

Morality blinked, confused. "So.. why are you here?"

Logic realized he could now speak, removing his hand from his mouth. "He's lying, P- Morality." He said slowly, glaring at Deceit. Deceit scoffed. 

"I'm sure you'll be glad to see him go." Deceit placed a hand on Virgil's shoulder, turning towards Creativity. "Isn't that right, Creativity?" 

Creativity gasped. "Way to jump to conclusions!" He huffed, nudging Logan. "Cojnative Disorsians, right?" 

Logan sighed. "That's not how you say it." 

"It's totally how you say it!" Creativity retorted defensively. Deceit grinned, satisfied that they were now distracted. He kicked the leg of Anxiety's chair, signaling for him to get up. Anxiety quickly jumped out of his chair, pushing it back into the table. Deceit's hand stayed ever complacent on his shoulder. 

"Now, wait just a second, boys.." Morality interrupted as Deceit was about to sink out with Anxiety. "We're not trying to keep him away from you." Morality said to Deceit as if reading his mind. 

Deceit forced a smile onto his face. "Why would I think that?" He said, straightening his posture to appear taller than Morality. "He belongs with us." 

"He doesn't belong to anyone." Morality frowned. Deceit's smile faltered. Anxiety seemingly shrunk into his hoodie. 

"He already has a family," Deceit said through gritted teeth. "He doesn't need another one." 

Morality's expression...softened? "We're not taking him away from you..," He said softly. "We just want to..hang out with him, you know?" 

There was a moment of tense silence. "We're  _leaving_." Deceit said firmly. "Come along, Anxiety." 

Anxiety had been twiddling his thumbs, staring at the floor. He looked up quickly, nodding. "Uh..yeah. Bye." 

Morality sighed but smiled anyway. "Hope to see you soon!" He said politely, seemingly both to Anxiety and Deceit. 

Strange. 

Deceit sunk out, letting go of Anxiety's shoulder when they rose up in dark side's commons. They both glanced at each other for a moment, Anxiety turning and walking to his room. 

"I wasn't lying when I said that," Deceit said as Anxiety walked away. "You've already got a family. You don't need another one." 

Anxiety didn't respond, slamming his bedroom door as if to end the conversation. Deceit stared at Anxiety's bedroom door for a moment, turning on his heel and walking away.


	9. Absences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil doesn't visit the others for a bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey ;)) my posting schedule ;)) is ;)) garbage  
> leave me comments, they fuel my soul  
> warnings: anxiety attack, mentioned deceit, vomiting 
> 
> i wrote this while blasting waving through a window

Too much.

That had been too much. 

Virgil hadn't thought that... _he_ would just show up like that. He hadn't expected that, after everything that had run through his mind at the mere thought of spending time with the others, Deceit confronting him  _in front_ of them had been at the bottom of the list. It hadn't been on the list, actually. 

Which was why Virgil was currently curled up in the corner of his room, his head in his hands and his toes curled to the point it hurt. He stared at the ground through his fingers, trying to take deep breaths. He stood up, pacing back and forth without really thinking of anything. He was just anxious. Really anxious, more anxious than he'd been in a while. He felt a thundering in his ears, a ticking in the back of his head. 

The lights in his room were much too bright. He had tried to make it as dim as possible, but they were  _too_ bright right now. He stumbled over to his lamp, turning it off and only relaxing slightly as the room grew darker, shambling to his bedside table and turning off the lamp there, collapsing on his bed as he was immersed in darkness. He felt his chest rising too fast, sitting up to rip his hoodie off of himself and throw it into a crumpled mess onto the floor, falling back onto his side and bringing his knees up to his chest, closing his eyes. 

Managing to stand up, he rushed to his bathroom connected to his bedroom and gripped the sides of his sink tightly, avoiding the mirror and feeling a surging in his stomach, rushing to the toilet.

He stayed kneeling in front of the toilet for some time, breathing deeply and standing up on shaky legs. He walked slowly back into his room, closing his eyes and groaning. He needed a drink, some water maybe. But there was a chance of Deceit in the kitchen, and even the thought of him made his stomach surge all over again. 

So he lay down on his bed, breathing steadily.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 

Patton couldn't say he was pleased with how the other side had acted. When he asked Logan about it, Logan said his name was Deceit and that he was a dark side. When he asked what his real name was, Logan said it didn't matter. He knew what 'dark side' meant, of course, it meant a side who wasn't the nicest in the world. Roman spoke of dark sides as if they were Disney villains. Patton could tell from how Logan acted that Logan didn't enjoy Deceit's company. 

Deceit had seemed so strange, though, with a forced smile and straightened posture. He had placed an iron-grip on Anxiety's shoulder, one that didn't show  _protective_ but instead screamed  _claiming_. 

Patton was worried he'd offended Deceit, as Deceit and Anxiety had left with barely a goodbye when he had reassured Deceit that he wasn't going to take Anxiety away. 

Maybe that had been it? 

Shrugging off the concern, Patton continued with his day as if nothing had happened. He was sure Anxiety would be back soon, afterall. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_How _dare_ he- how  _dare_ he show up like that! _Roman thought, scribbling ideas in his notepad before ripping them out of his personal pad and crumpling them up, throwing them over his shoulder.  _We were having_ fun!  _And he thinks he can just come and ruin it! I swear, if he comes back, he'll regret it._ Roman promised himself, glancing in the mirror. He huffed, fixing his hair and continuing with his scribbling.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Logan didn't quite know what to do. Deceit had shown up, and had taken Anxiety away. There was a clear sign that something was wrong. Anxiety had acted like a small child in front of Deceit, completely different to how he acted with the three of them. He was sitting at his desk, typing history facts absentmindedly on his computer so his fingers would be able to do something as he thought. It was clear something was wrong, and it was clear Anxiety hadn't wanted to go with Deceit. So why had he left so easily?

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He had done the right thing, he was sure of it. If Anxiety wasn't going to listen to him, it was his fault. If he went with them, he would surely come back heartbroken. He was just trying to protect him, couldn't he see that? The Logic character had seemed so scared of him, of the idea of Deceit. Morality hadn't seemed to care. It was nice frusturating Creativity, though, he could see why Anxiety would enjoy that.

He really was trying to protect him. Right? Couldn't Anxiety see that?


	10. explanation

yoo!!!! im into sanders sides again!! kind of!!!! yippee i'll continue this


	11. Changes aren't Fun.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil participates in yet another video.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOLY SHIT  
> IM SO SORRY I HAVENT UPDATED IN 29483 YEARS  
> im slowly becoming a sanders sides fan again,, so not to worry  
> take it as my christmas gift to you  
> if you celebrate christmas  
> ok bye
> 
> warnings:  
> deceit, panicking, cursing

May 23, 2017. That was when the next video was scheduled. Virgil had grown accustomed to the schedules by now. And the crazy thing? He looked forward to it. He was excited for the next video.

He shouldn't have been.

It started off fine. He played the bad guy, tried to convince Thomas that changes SUCKED. He told Thomas he liked his friends.

He shouldn't have done that. Because suddenly, he wasn't himself. He wasn't himself. Holy shit, he wasn't himself. He was Talyn.

And yeah, he loved Talyn. Tayln's one of Thomas' best friends! But he didn't want to _be_ Talyn. This wasn't right.

This wasn't right at all.

They weren't changing him back.

**~**

Whew. That was the worst experience of Virgil's entire life. He hated that. Jesus. He'd never forget it, ever, ever.

Ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever-

"Anxiety."

Shit.

"Deceit."

"Don't talk to me like that." You know he's mad when he's not lying.

"I'm not-"

"Quiet."

The snap of fingers, and it wasn't like Virgil was able to talk even if he wanted to.

"That... performance you gave today. You actually considered giving them your name."

_No, I didn't!_ Virgil wanted to explain. _It was a joke!_ He couldn't speak.

Deceit stopped his pacing in front of Virgil, glaring hard at him. Virgil looked away. He hated this damn household.

"You wanted them to call you by your name, didn't you? You wanted them to call you by the name you chose, all those years ago."

Everyone he knew made fun of his name. He didn't want anyone to call him that.

Suddenly, Deceit was sitting next to him. An arm was wrapped around his shoulders. "Oh, _Virgil_ , you know I just want you safe."

That sent a shiver up and down Virgil's spine.

"No you don't."

"Yes I do."

A long silence.

"Yes I do, _Virgil._ "

Virgil sighed. "Right. I know."


	12. A New Character

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A certain sleepy friend appears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sfjsdkfjsdfjsdlkfj  
> my posting schedule gets worse the more depressed I get
> 
> warnings:  
> cursing, sadness, depression, anxiety

Virgil is still recovering from Deceit's usage of his name. He doesn't  _dislike_ his name, particularly, but hearing it slip out of Deceit's mouth makes his skin crawl. He always says it in this.. mocking way, like.. like it's his fault. Deceit believes everyone actually  _chose_ their name, not they were given it. He even believes he chose his own name, he just doesn't remember because it was so long ago. Virgil thinks it's bullshit. 

But who cares what he thinks, right? Deceit certainly doesn't. None of the other dark sides do. And whenever he tries to explain himself, Thomas doesn't listen.

Thomas  _never_ listens. All Virgil is doing is trying to protect him, and Thomas doesn't understand that. Without him, he'd be some dumbass, walking the Earth without a worry in the world. 

And, you know what? He's tired of it. He's tired of trying to convince everyone, wait, he's not  _horrible_. 

So if Thomas doesn't want him, then he'll go. They'll probably be happy that he's gone - finally.  

Right?

" _You're right, Anxiety._ " A familiar voice says, and Anxiety nearly jumps out of his seat. Deceit. He's fucking back  _again._ Why he's so clingy? 

"Uh-- what?" 

"You heard me. They  _don't_ want you. None of them - you're just a burden to them. You underssstand that, right?" 

Anxiety swallows. Surely he's lying, right? That's what Deceit does. 

He can't help hearing truth behind the words. 

"I know. Just- just a fuckin' burden." 

"Right. You're doing so good. I'll keep you company whilst you duck out, hmm? You can stay in my room. With me." 

That makes him shudder, but he knows he doesn't have a choice. "Okay. Thank you." 

God. What's he gotten himself into? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave kudos/comments they inspire me to keep writing


End file.
